Well, thanks for nuthin'!

An update for those of you following the story of the most dysfunctional person in my life.  Who is it? Ironically, the school psychologist.  We tend to not get along, because he dislikes communicating and children, and, well, that's all I do.  However, I recently realized that, in spite of our differences, I owe him some gratitude.  So here goes:

• Thank you for your completely insufficient 2 1/2-page reports.  The district-adopted standard report, which you are now required to use, is 16 pages long.  It kills a lot of trees, but now we get plenty of relevant information.
• Thank you for using a loud voice and disrupting the whole office when refusing to do your work.  Then there is no doubt what happened when it comes down to "he said, she said" later.
• Thank you for refusing to "drive across town" for IEPs on your one day at a different site.  I hit two schools in one day at least three times a week, and that keeps me from having to come back a fourth afternoon.
• Thank you for learning to email this year.  It was a momentous occasion when we received the first ever email initiated by you.  Imagine the possibilities- next year you may even double your output to 2!
• Thank you for refusing to provide social skills groups.  The resulting clarification of roles determined that school psychologists are responsible for them, saving the SLPs a lot of hassle.  
• Thanks for accepting a personal goal for "collaboration" this year.  You look so ridiculous, angrily getting signatures whenever you talked a teacher, that I don't even mind the teachers bringing their elevated concerns to me afterwards.
• Thank you for not making any teachers cry this year.  This is clearly a step forward.
• Thank you for making me look like a valuable resource, a team player, and a shining star.  In comparison to you, a avocado would be a great co-worker.
• Thanks for complete inactivity that first year.  When the principal needed to keep an eye on you and moved you to the former detention room because it was right across from his office, it freed up your old office for a much needed conference room.  Plus, the secretaries knew if you had arrived yet, so I didn't have to gather my courage in the morning for nothing!
• Thank you for repeatedly asking if an incoming report was done by your girlfriend.  The resulting spike in mental activity (me wondering "how can that possibly work?") will stave off Alzheimer's for at least two years.

Most of all, thank you for your sustained incompetence and incivility.  You have certainly earned an opportunity at a new assignment.  I hope you enjoy your mandatory transfer to a different school.  I'm sure you will have a lot to offer them- maybe even a semi-annual email.  I have sincerely enjoyed saying "hi" to you in the hallway, and I hope that your pained expression did not indicate actual pain.  Good-bye, good luck, and good riddance!