Roommate rundown

Today, we invite the Inquisitive Investigator to the Casita for a quick tour.

Heidi: Hi! Come on in.
I: Nice piano. Is that your roommate's?
H: Well, no. It's Diana's. She was my roommate for a year, but she just bought a house.
I: If she has a house, why do you have her piano? And two tables?
H: The house reeked of dog and was last painted the world's ugliest blue color in 1998. It needed a lot of TLC before the piano could move in. I helped her paint, but she's on her own for new flooring. One table is hers. The other is Erika's.
I: Who's Erika? And why haven't I met her?
H: Diana's replacement. She goes to school in criminal justice, works, has a boyfriend in the Bay Area, and goes to church in her old neighborhood. You can only meet her by special appointment.
I: How do I get an appointment?
H: You have to be named Ben.
I: Oh. Don't you think Inquisitive Investigator is a catchier name than Ben?
H: Ben's her boyfriend.
I: Oh, of course. Is this their cute picture on the fridge?
H: No, that's Heather and her fiance' Gunnar.
I: Fiance'?? Didn't Heather move in because she was NOT getting married?
H: Yep. But in 9 weeks she changed her mind, got engaged, moved out, and is getting married next Friday. It's a good move. I'm happy for her.
I: Is that your shortest roommate term ever?
H: Well, no. Rebecca came from London just for 8 weeks, but we knew from the beginning that she was only livening up the Casita while she worked for Music Circus. She was such a fun summer addition!
I: Are all your roommates short term?
H: Goodness no! Virginia Castillo was my roommate, confidante, and wingman for THREE years!
I: What happened to her?
H: This spring, she moved to the Bay Area for nursing school, met a guy on EHarmony, and got married Oct. 5. She became a student, nurse, wife, and stepmother all in one semester. Talk about life changing decisions!
I: That's amazing.
H: I know. Thanks for stopping by. I have to get going so I can cash this deposit check.
I: So you're getting a new roommate already?
H: Yes. This one is named Annie. See?
I: But your address is on the check already! Isn't that a bit premature?
H: It's actually a little delayed. Annie lived here before, and her checks have this address even though she moved out over a year ago. When her other roommates split up, she figured it was easier to move back to the Casita than to get new checks.
I: Wowser. Why do your roommates keep fleeing?
H: They're not fleeing. We polish them up and send them out to bigger and better things.
I: Well, you do have a lot of roommates.
H: 37 and counting. Do I have to count Annie twice? Like Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton?
I: ACK! ACK! I ask the questions!!
H: Do you think Erika will get engaged by Christmas? Do you know any exceptionally cool ladies who will be needing a place around January? Especially if they come with a table?
I: AAAUGH! (Inquisitor's head explodes.)
H: Well, good thing it's Erika's week to clean the kitchen. (She smiles and leaves.)